The "F" Word

Quote (A wonderful thought that my grandma had awhile back and was gracious enough to share with me.)- "Men and women can never be merely friends. Someone's feelings are always greater than the others, and someone is always going to be let down or hurt."
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The "Friend Zone" is a place I have come to know well. Through my dating experiences, I have been put there on so many occasions that I have even begun to decorate the place. (Ha, just kidding, but I'm getting close.) It wasn't until this last year that I really experienced what it felt like to be the one to put another person in that dreadful place. I have come to understand how it feels on both ends of the spectrum. Here are a couple of my experiences that have taught me just how hard it is to be the one using the "F" word...

(Names have been changed...Just in case these boys decide to read my blog. You just never know!)

#1. Billy-
Billy and I were set up on a blind date by some family members. He picked me up and had some good plans about what we should do that evening. However, none of them seemed to pan out as planned. We also didn't have much to talk about or much in common. He seemed to be trying really hard and I really appreciated that. But, again, we really had nothing to talk about and were really forcing the conversation. I knew about an hour into our date that I couldn't see us going anywhere in the future. I actually found myself thinking about my best guy friend the entire time and how much I missed our easy conversation and the way he made me laugh, but that is another story. As we were waiting for our movie to start (the last event of the evening), he pulled out his cell phone and proceeded to check his Facebook for the next 10 minutes or so. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Facebook as much as the next person, but NOT on a date! That move alone confirmed to me that it wasn't going to work out.
At the end of the date, Billy walked me to my door. I gave him a hug and thanked him for the evening. He proceeded to text me the entire rest of the night and the whole next day. I didn't want to give him the wrong idea or make him think that we had a future, so I told him how I felt. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Telling someone that is interested in you that you do not feel the same is worse than breaking up with someone, in my opinion. I haven't talked to Billy since, but I hope he finds a great girl someday, because he really is a nice guy.

#2- Joshua
Joshua and I met through some mutual friends. We became close friends over the last year and I really enjoy talking to him. I tell him nearly everything, and he tells me as much as he feels comfortable with (he's very reserved). I'll admit, I've known that he's had a crush on me from the beginning of our friendship, but I really enjoy having him as a friend so I didn't think anything of it. It wasn't until recently that I realized (because I was told) that my actions were sending a very different message than I had anticipated, and he was receiving the wrong message. I felt that I needed to tell Joshua how I really felt to make sure that he knew that we were just friends. I'll admit, I hated every second of our conversation and nearly every one since. I know that I hurt him and that was the very last thing I wanted. I can already tell that things are never going to be the same, and it hurts me as much, if not more, than it is hurting him.

Inflicting pain on another person is not something that I find enjoyable. I hate putting men in the "Friend Zone" because I know how it feels to be put there. It's the freaking worst. Hence, the title The "F" Word. So, here's some food for thought...The next time you put someone in the "Friend Zone" remember what it feels like to be put there. Let that person down as easy as possible. I know that it's hard for you (trust me, I KNOW), but just think of how much harder it is for them...