If I could turn back time...

Time is such a strange concept. Some days we wish it would pass by quickly,some days we wish it would slow down, and some days we wish for nothing more than the ability to turn it back or to move it forward.

This week has been one of those weeks where my mind is stuck in the past and I keep wanting to turn back the time. My thoughts were provoked by my Communications professor who was talking about old loves in class this week.(Disclaimer: I blame my communications teacher for beginning this whole thought process. Also, the guy that happened to look exactly like my ex-boyfriend who sat at the table next to mine at dinner on Saturday. Unfortunately, I cannot blame them for my mind continuing on in these thoughts.)

You see, I happen to have one of these old loves. I think about him from time to time(Usually when I see something or someone that reminds me of him). When I have these thoughts, I often wonder how he's doing. I wonder if he likes his job, how his school is going, and how his family is. I wonder if he is happy and if he ever thinks of me. I think about the time that we shared together and the fond memories that we had. I don't think of him very often, but when I do I always feel a strange tug at my heart and a yearning to relive those memories I have with him.

Sometimes when I think about him I wonder if he was the right person and that we just met at the wrong time. What if we had met now, in the present, in our current situations? What if we hadn't met when I was 17 and naive and while he was enduring some serious personal trials? What if our whole past could be erased and we could just start over fresh? What if?

And then it hit me...

Stop asking all the "What if?" questions. No one has the ability to go back in time and change the past or even control the future. I need to stop being like Lot's wife, looking back longingly. I need to look to the future with an eye of faith in knowing that the best is yet to come. I loved my boyfriend at the time, and will always love him to some extent, but I need to live in the present and look forward to all of the love I can give and receive now and in the future.

President Monson said it best when he said, "The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it."

So that is exactly what I will do.

Under the weather

Lately, I haven't been feeling well. I've been getting crazy headaches, all of my bones were achy, and I was incredibly tired all the time. I figured it was just because I have been stressed lately about quitting my job, going back to school, paying for school, working full time, my new calling, etc... I was just waiting for it to pass and hoped that my vacation to Vegas would help a bit. When I got back home I started getting some other symptoms.

It started out as a simple stuffy nose, which I assumed was from my bad allergies during spring time. No big deal, right? Then last week I discovered a couple bumps on my neck. My step mom (who has worked in health care for years) told me that they were just swollen glads and to keep an eye on them for about a week. On Monday night after work I went to dinner with my brother, Graham, and our friend Trevor. When I returned home I felt my neck to see if I had any more swollen glands, and what did I find? My lymph node on the right side of my neck was swollen to the size of a golf ball. And it HURT. I showed Patty who recommended I take an allergy pill and see if it helped. When I woke up the next morning I felt even worse, so I ruled out allergies.

At work my friend Cassi told me that she had something similar a couple weeks ago. She said that the only difference was that she had white bumps on the back of her throat. Being the hypochondriac that I am, I immediately ran to the bathroom to check my throat. Sure enough, there they were. Nasty little things.

I went to the doctor who did a rapid strep test (came back negative) and removed the "white spots" aka built up food particles in my swollen tonsil. He also was very concerned by the size of my swollen glad and sent me to a blood lab to get some tests.

I am being tested for Strep, Mono, and Epstein Bar. Unfortunately, I won't know what I have or if I am contagious until next week. So for now, I will continue to be miserable. Hopefully, I'll get a letter from the always lovely Tanner B. this week to make me feel better. He always knows how to cheer me up, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. :)

My thoughts on love and 80s movies...

"Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boom box outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life."


No, John Hughes did not, in fact, direct my life. I wasn't even born when most of these movies came out. However, when I look back at my dating life I realized that I have had these same thoughts/feelings before. At one point I thought I had found my very own Patrick Dempsey-sans the perfect hair. He was perfect in my eyes, charming and loved me. It was all sunshine and butterflies until one day it wasn't. At first I was heartbroken, but now I look back and think about how grateful I am for that experience. It may not have been perfect or have ended like an 80s movie, but it was wonderful while it lasted.

As I have grown from the experience of my "first love", I have learned that love is not supposed to be the way that the movies portray it. I have realized that there is not one perfect man out there in the world for me, but that there are many worthy contenders out there. Sure they might not hold a boom box outside my window, or wait outside of my sister's wedding leaning against a sexy red car for me, and he might not even fist pump for me. But in the grand scheme of things, none of that truly matters. As long as we find a worthy man (in every sense of the word) who loves me and only wants what is best for me, what else matters? Certainly not the car, or the perfect hair or the fist pump. Those are all just minute details that should be left to the movies.

...I'm getting married?

Tonight after the afternoon session of Conference, my step-mom and I went to dinner with her mom and some cousins while my dad and brother went to watch the Priesthood session. When we got home, I was standing at the stove (my rightful place in the house, according to my dad and brothers. Haha.) making some treats for tomorrow. My little brother walks in and our conversation went like this:

Jake(15)"Steph, you're going to get married in the next year or so."
Me "HA! Says who?"
Jake "The Prophet. His whole talk was basically just him laying into guys telling them to get married"

Sometimes this kid really cracks me up!


Hope you are all enjoying your Conference weekend. I know I sure am! :) If you want to watch it or learn what it is head to lds.org

Day 3---A photo that makes you HAPPY

3 reasons why this picture makes me happy:

1. Haley- She is my best friend in the WHOLE world. She is one of the greatest examples in my life and I don't think I could have survived my first year of college without her. I miss her SO much. I hate that she lives so darn far away. :(

2. The temple- Everything about the temple makes me happy. It is truly the house of the Lord and our own Heaven on earth.

3. My BRUISE! Can you see it?? It came from donating blood. I have a tendency to get very large bruises in very unusual ways. It's awesome.

Day 2--- A photo of yourself a year ago

This picture was taken in February 2010. My family (except Hillary, she was still living in Arizona at the time) got tickets to see Brian Reagan, the family-friendly comedian that appeals to most LDS people, when he came to Salt Lake. It was such a fun night and I was grateful that I could spend the night with my family doing what we do best...laughing! I love spending time with my family and making new memories that we will someday look back on and say, "remember that time...". I didn't grow up around my dad, stepmom, or siblings, so I don't have very many memories with them. Now that I live up here with them, I try to make extra memories to try and compensate for the ones I missed out on.
This was also the night that sprouted one of my favorite memories of the last year. I came up with an awesome April Fool's prank of being engaged. My sister, Erin, and I (with the help of my brothers) came up with this guys name, major, sports he enjoyed, how we met, how he propose... blah, blah blah. It was hilarious! (The prank ended up working out really well. Everyone fell for it! Now I'm stuck trying to find something to top it for this year...hmm.) All in all, it was a great night spent with some of my favorite people in the world!

30 days-30 pictures-30 things to learn about me!

Okay, so I saw on FB (which is short for facebook,if you didn't know!) about a 30 day photo challenge. I think it's a fun way to tell people about me, my life, and my past experiences in a fun and unique way. I am determined to do it, and challenge others to do so as well! :)
Day 1. Facebook profile picture.


This is my little cousin Camille. She is the cutest little girl I know, and reminds me so much of myself as a child (mostly in the looks department). In this picture we are at my/our grandparent's house on Christmas Eve waiting to open presents. We were both pretty impatient (more me than her. I absolutely LOVE Christmas and HATE suspense) about undoing the precisely wrapped gifts from grandparents and cousins, so we made "monkey" faces at each other to pass the time. Isn't she a doll??